Parents should foster an educational style that enhances their children’s strengths and abilities, creating an environment where they feel valued and can express themselves without fear of judgment. This approach has a significant impact on their self-esteem and their ability to relate to others.
A child will become increasingly confident in their abilities as parents show trust in them.
For parents, the main goal is to raise happy children who believe in themselves, their competencies, and their abilities. However, achieving an upbringing that does not harm a child’s self-esteem can be a challenging and complex task. Sometimes, without realizing it, parents may inadvertently harm their children. “When parents unintentionally invalidate the feelings, ideas, sensations, or desires of their children—for example, when they are telling us something special to them and we respond by downplaying it, or when, in response to pain or sadness, they say ‘it’s not a big deal’ or ‘if you cry, you’ll look ugly,’ they are not addressing the message the child is trying to convey,” explains Luz Marina Díaz-Flores, a psychologist specializing in integrative psychotherapy for children and adolescents at Alcea Psicología. “These are expressions often heard from parents when they feel anxious about their child’s distress. They try to block the emotion so the child doesn’t feel bad, believing they are helping the child. However, the child may end up invalidating their own emotions, downplaying what they are feeling, which is not good for the development of their self-esteem,” she adds.
Positive parenting is emerging as an approach that focuses on enhancing children’s strengths and improving their self-esteem. Children should grow up in a safe environment where they feel valued at all times and can express themselves freely without judgment. “The child must be accepted for who they are, including their tastes and preferences, so that they can build their own self-definition,” clarifies Díaz-Flores. A study published in March 2024 in the Journal of Education Humanities and Social Sciences (JHSS) titled Impact of Parenting Styles on Adolescents concludes that negative parenting styles, which include excessive criticism, blame, unfavorable evaluations, and punishment, have a detrimental impact on adolescents’ self-esteem. This approach may lead young people to doubt and deny their own worth and abilities, reducing their self-esteem. The research also explains how the self-esteem issues caused by prolonged exposure to negative parenting styles can persist into adulthood, affecting interpersonal relationships. Therefore, the study emphasizes that parents and educators should turn toward positive parenting. “A child will become more confident in their abilities as parents show trust in them and gradually give them some autonomy to test what they are capable of,” emphasizes Díaz-Flores.
Self-esteem plays an essential role in children’s emotional and social development, as well as their behavior in the future. It is how children value themselves, and it affects how they face challenges and relate to others,” adds clinical psychologist Carolina Lozano Fernández, who features an online children’s self-esteem test on her website that provides an initial evaluation of the child, with questions like “Do you carry the guilt before being told you did something wrong?” or “Do you go to their party because you think they might have forgotten to send you an invitation?”
One of the most recent studies on this parenting model, published in May 2024 by academic publisher Springer Nature, titled Positive Parenting, Prosocial Behavior, Sense of Life, and Subjective Well-Being in Adolescents, was conducted by Gökmen Arslan, an expert in Well-Being Sciences at the University of Melbourne (Australia). The study examines how this type of education lays the foundation for greater self-esteem, independence, and social skills in children, providing them with a foundation for long-term happiness. It concludes that positive parenting is an important factor in increasing the subjective well-being of children. Additionally, it determines that parents who encourage their children to have life goals and build positive relationships with others improve the child’s physical and mental health. It also adds that failure to meet this basic need can lead to psychological problems. Thus, Arslan concludes that this strength-based parenting approach has a significant relationship with self-esteem and prosocial behavior—the ability to relate to others.
Self-esteem plays a crucial role in the emotional and social development of children and their behavior in the future.
“A child with low self-esteem is the puppet of anyone who wants to harm them. They are vulnerable, and vulnerability is fine, but in a way that others cannot take advantage of me. A child who feels loved is a powerful person; that is the worth we give ourselves,” confirms psychologist Patricia Ramírez, who specializes in child development and educational psychology.
To offer children positive parenting based on trust and self-confidence, psychologist Díaz-Flores explains that it is essential to avoid invalidating their emotions or judging their thoughts or behavior. She also speaks about the importance of parents’ own attitude: “We must set an example of repair when things don’t go as expected, showing them that we also make mistakes.” “We need to value the process of what we do, the effort, and the time we dedicate, more than obsessing over the results. We must praise perseverance and encourage them to try new things, even if they don’t succeed, because frustration is good for their development,” she adds. “The child must discover what their interests are to develop their sense of identity,” continues this expert, “because by validating these interests, we promote the development of the skills needed to achieve the goals they set, and this generates confidence.”